Radio Free Tobin

Nashville defenseman Shea Weber was fined $2,500 for smashing Henrik Zetterberg’s head into the glass in Game 1. Weber’s salary this season is $7,500,000. The $2,500 fine (which apparently is the maximum player fine allowed by the CBA) represents .033% of his salary. Let’s say I make $50K a year; an equivalent fine would be $16.50, or roughly the cost of an IMAX ticket. Now, if the ticket was for Avatar, that’s a pretty serious punishment, but otherwise, that’s not really sending a message of deterrence. I once got a $50 parking ticket for not curbing my wheels on a hill; is that really three times worse than what Weber did? 

In short, the NHL is serious about player safety, but not as serious as the SFMTA is about parking with your wheels turned.

(photo: Sanford Myers, The Tennessean)

Western Conference Quarterfinals:
#4 Nashville Predators vs #5 Detroit Red Wings

The Predators made several key pickups at the trade deadline (Hal Gill, Paul Gaustad and Andrei Kostitsyn), sending the message that they are serious about making a deep playoff run this year. They also changed their uniforms this season, sending the message that they want to look ridiculous while doing it.

Preds fans have taken to calling Nashville “Smashville”, which sounds less like a rousing call to action and more like something that Animal from the Muppets would say.

The Red Wings are still a dynastic team with the most impressive resume of any of the 16 contending teams. They have not missed the playoffs since 1990, and will be starting the playoffs on the road for the first time since 1991. By comparison, the Predators didn’t enter the league until 1998, by which time current Red Wings Nick Lidstrom and Tomas Holmstrom had already won two Cups. So Detroit is an “underdog” in the same way that Britney Spears is a “singer”; in name only.

Aging though they may be, Lidstrom, Zetterberg, and Datsyuk are still formidable, and Todd Bertuzzi is always a danger to score a timely goal and/or sucker punch you and drive your head into the ice. Goaltender Jimmy Howard (whose name sounds like something from the Witness Relocation Program) has speed and skill, most notably the skill of “not being Chris Osgood.”

This series also marks the debut of the NHL on CNBC. I only hope that I am tuned in when Pierre Maguire goes all Joe Namath on Maria Bartiromo.

Predators in 6.

Western Conference Quarterfinals:
#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs #6 Chicago Blackhawks

Phoenix has never won a playoff series. Last year, they failed to win a single playoff game, getting swept by Detroit in the first round. But they allowed their goalie, Ilya Bryzgalov, to sign with Philadelphia, the eventual destination of all goalies who struggle in the playoffs, and have turned instead to the goaltending of Mike Smith.

Smith has put up stellar numbers all year, and now in Phoenix “Mike Smith” is synonymous with “shutdown goalie” rather than being synonymous with “name his teammates use when they want to check in to motels anonymously”.

The Phoenix roster is a good blend of youth and experience, and also boasts one of my favorite names in the NHL, Kyle Chipchura. Every time I hear his name, it makes me want a chocolate chip churro, which, sadly, doesn’t exist yet.

The Blackhawks are looking to rebound after a first-round exit in last year’s playoffs. Team captain Jonathan Toews has battled concussions this season, and may not play when the series starts. He probably would have been cleared to play sooner if one of the team’s baseline tests wasn’t “How do you spell ‘Dustin Byfuglien’?”

The Hawks and Coyotes have the two worst power plays of any playoff team, so look for each team to take penalties on purpose.

90210 alert: The Blackhawks’ roster includes three Brandons and one Dylan. Start growing those playoff sideburns, boys!

Coyotes in 7.

Western Conference Quarterfinals:
#2 St. Louis Blues vs #7 San Jose Sharks

First of all, the Blues are a #2 seed?? How did that happen? Did Matthew Broderick steal the password from the principal’s office and hack into the NHL’s computer? (In a related story, Blues defenseman Alex Pietrangelo got straight “A”s for the first time!)

Under the guidance of veteran coach (and Civil War enthusiast) Ken Hitchcock, the Blues won their first division title since 2000. Perhaps instead of scouting the Sharks on game film, he dresses the team up in Sharks gear and has them re-enact the games.

The Blues have approached the playoffs the way my parents approached church; they don’t go very often and when they do, they leave early. But this year’s team works hard, is well coached, and has no expectations on it, despite its high seeding.

The Sharks, meanwhile, have struggled with playoff expectations. They reached the conference finals the past two seasons, and have gone 1-8 in those games. For Sharks fans, the same questions still remain: Does this team have the will to win the Cup? Is it time to rebuild? What is icing?

The Sharks do enter the playoffs with a dangerous power play, second in the league at 21.1%, so the Blues would be wise to stay out of the penalty box. This is especially true for games in San Jose, where the fans announce the power play by making a chomping shark mouth with their arms. The less we see of that, the better. Nothing says hockey tradition like teal uniforms and fans who make sharky-sharks with their arms. 

Also, the actual St. Louis is a canonized king of France, a Crusader, and a prisoner of war. St. Joseph is a carpenter. A nice guy, for sure, but no match. (At least I don’t think so; remember, I left church early.)

Blues in 5.

Western Conference Quarterfinals:
#1 Vancouver Canucks vs #8 Los Angeles Kings

The Canucks won their second President’s Trophy in a row, and yes, they came within one win of the Cup last year, but so what? Is anybody really afraid of the Canucks? 

As for that President’s Trophy, let’s be honest; The Manitoba Moose could win the President’s Trophy if they played in the Northwest division. The Canucks went 18-5-1 in a division in which no other team even made the playoffs. The St. Louis Blues, meanwhile, finished a mere 2 points shy of Vancouver, despite going 10-9-5 in a division with 3 other 100+ point playoff teams. The Rangers, who also came within 2 points of the Trophy, went 15-7-2 in a division that also includes three 100+ point playoff teams. The Canucks play in a glorified AHL division and still barely squeaked away with the league’s best record. 

Luongo has been shaky all year; he lacked confidence in last year’s playoffs, and the coach is ready to pull him for Corey Schneider (whose GAA and SV% are better) at a moment’s notice. Keeping goalies on short leashes in the playoffs doesn’t work. Ask the Flyers.

Speaking of whom, the Kings pulled two blockbuster trades to reunite former Flyers Mike Richards and Jeff Carter. Carter’s addition has helped an offense which was not as good as it looked on paper (which also describes your typical LA headshot).

The Kings are stacked with former Flyers. Ron Hextall is in the front office (no doubt two-hand slashing other executives with a letter opener), Simon Gagne and Justin Williams are on the roster; former coach John Stevens behind the bench, and ex-coach Terry Murray was fired earlier in the season. The Kings are almost like the regular Flyers, except with solid goaltending and healthier food at the concession stands.

The Kings played in close games all year, and their offense is starting to come together. Goalie Jonathan Quick need only play a little bit better than the Luongo/Schneider tandem, and the Kings could pull the upset.

Kings in 7.

Eastern Conference Quarterfinals:
#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs #5 Philadelphia Flyers

For the Pens this year, it has been business as usual. Crosby gets hurt; Malkin steps up. The Penguins proved once again that the key to Malkin’s success is to not have Sidney Crosby play. They could save a lot of money by trading Crosby and just not telling Malkin about it.

Malkin had a career year; he is a 50-goal scorer, is likely the league MVP, and is proof that there are Supercuts in Russia.

Also having a career year is left winger James Neal, who put up an impressive 40 goals. Neal’s Wikipedia page refers to him as James “The Real Deal” Neal, which shows that in addition to scoring goals, Neal also knows how to edit Wikipedia pages.

The Flyers had a very busy offseason, turning over nearly half their roster, spending big money on goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov, and, perhaps most importantly, not re-signing Dan Carcillo. The addition of Bryzgalov was meant to secure the goalie position for the foreseeable future, which is technically true, since they signed him to an untradeable contract.

Among the new Flyers are former Penguins Max Talbot and Jaromir Jagr, and gritty winger Wayne Simmonds. Simmonds was welcomed by the Flyers faithful, most of whom remarked, “I didn’t know that Apollo Creed could skate.”

The Pens are stacked, and eager to make up for an early exit last playoffs. The Flyers roll 4 solid lines, and have plenty of depth to fill the void left by whichever player gets suspended for laying out Crosby.

Flyers in 7.