Has your team been eliminated? And now you don’t know who to root for, but you want to see other fans suffer? Then welcome to The Trolling Matrix! I’ll tell you how to direct your support for maximum butthurt for other fans. (Which, in the end, is what sports is all about.)
AFC Championship Game: root for the Patriots
This game is a little trickier. It’s certainly never a bad idea to root against any Boston area team. Trolling sports fans know that every time a team from Boston loses, an angel gets some spicy hot wings.
But in this case, if you need something to root against, root for Peyton Manning to come up short again. Manning has spent his whole career fighting the rap that he is a regular-season stats monger who can’t get it done in the playoffs. Or can’t get it done in cold weather. Or can’t get it done versus Tom Brady and the Patriots. So what could be better than having all of those things happen in one game?? This season, Manning broke nearly every passing record that Cris Collinsworth could remember off the top of his head. If he comes up short again? Oh man. Just imagine him shaking his surgically-fused head and neck in disbelief before the broadcast cuts to a Papa John’s commercial where Manning watches Papa John breakdance.