Radio Free Tobin

RSS

Posts tagged with "sports"

As punishment for a racist banner hung by fans, a Japanese soccer team was forced to play a match in an empty stadium. After seeing the empty stadium, Roger Goodell has invited the team to play one home game a year in England. 

(Photo from Deadspin)

As punishment for a racist banner hung by fans, a Japanese soccer team was forced to play a match in an empty stadium. After seeing the empty stadium, Roger Goodell has invited the team to play one home game a year in England.

(Photo from Deadspin)

The Trolling Matrix: AFC Championship Game Edition

Has your team been eliminated? And now you don’t know who to root for, but you want to see other fans suffer? Then welcome to The Trolling Matrix! I’ll tell you how to direct your support for maximum butthurt for other fans. (Which, in the end, is what sports is all about.)

AFC Championship Game: root for the Patriots

This game is a little trickier. It’s certainly never a bad idea to root against any Boston area team. Trolling sports fans know that every time a team from Boston loses, an angel gets some spicy hot wings.

But in this case, if you need something to root against, root for Peyton Manning to come up short again. Manning has spent his whole career fighting the rap that he is a regular-season stats monger who can’t get it done in the playoffs. Or can’t get it done in cold weather. Or can’t get it done versus Tom Brady and the Patriots. So what could be better than having all of those things happen in one game?? This season, Manning broke nearly every passing record that Cris Collinsworth could remember off the top of his head. If he comes up short again? Oh man. Just imagine him shaking his surgically-fused head and neck in disbelief before the broadcast cuts to a Papa John’s commercial where Manning watches Papa John breakdance.

The Trolling Matrix: NFC Championship Edition

Has your team been eliminated? And now you don’t know who to root for, but you want to see other fans suffer? Then welcome to The Trolling Matrix! I’ll tell you how to direct your support for maximum butthurt for other fans. (Which, in the end, is what sports is all about.)

image 
NFC Championship Game: root for the 49ers

This is a no-brainer. The “12th man” thing in Seattle is just dumb. End of story. The fans are loud. We get it. But this fanbase has made “12” their whole identity. “12” jerseys, “12” flags — the franchise has retired the number 12, for god’s sake! Fan support is great, but when you wear a “12” jersey, you are cheering for yourself instead of your team. 

AND…let’s look at this “loudest” claim. The World Record, set by Seattle in December 2013, is 137.6 decibels. This broke the previous record (set by Kansas City in October 2013) of … 137.5 decibels. A tenth of a decibel! The smallest perceptible difference to the human ear is 1 decibel. Seattle’s margin of victory is so small that special technology was needed to measure it. A person would not notice. Breathing, by the way, is 10 decibels. The entire identity of the Seahawk fans is based on a margin of one one-hundredths of breathing. If Andy Reid had belched when the Guinness microphones were on, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. 

Not to mention that CenturyLink Field was designed to magnify noise. So even with an architectural advantage, they own the record by a difference of 0.07%. Dominant!

The Niners are hardly troll-proof. For starters, they have a QB whose name has become a verb, which is rarely a good thing. But the Trolling Matrix here says to pull for SF, to watch the self-aggrandizing Seattle fans lose in their own sonically-enhanced building. Let’s see how CenturyLink Field magnifies their sobbing.

Jan 4
I’m sorry…what is wrong with Shane Doan exactly?? I didn’t realize you could miss games because you were listening to too much John Denver. “Rocky Mountain Fever” sounds like a defunct indoor soccer team.

I’m sorry…what is wrong with Shane Doan exactly?? I didn’t realize you could miss games because you were listening to too much John Denver. “Rocky Mountain Fever” sounds like a defunct indoor soccer team.

Here’s a shot from ESPN’s MNF broadcast of sad Calvin Johnson after losing to the Ravens. How far away is the Lions’ locker room?? This team must be winded before they even get to the field. Do they even have time to make it to the locker room and back during halftime? If there were this many steps between me and the stage, I would never do a set. I half expected to see Megatron pass Spinal Tap going in the other direction. 

Here’s a shot from ESPN’s MNF broadcast of sad Calvin Johnson after losing to the Ravens. How far away is the Lions’ locker room?? This team must be winded before they even get to the field. Do they even have time to make it to the locker room and back during halftime? If there were this many steps between me and the stage, I would never do a set. I half expected to see Megatron pass Spinal Tap going in the other direction. 

Sep 5
A fight broke out at Eagles practice between Riley Cooper (fan of the N-word) and Cary Williams (not a fan of Riley Cooper). Michael Vick and members of the Eagles coaching staff had to hold Williams back. It’s lucky for Cooper the Eagles O-line wasn’t trying to restrain Williams, or Cooper would’ve gotten his ass kicked. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

A fight broke out at Eagles practice between Riley Cooper (fan of the N-word) and Cary Williams (not a fan of Riley Cooper). Michael Vick and members of the Eagles coaching staff had to hold Williams back. It’s lucky for Cooper the Eagles O-line wasn’t trying to restrain Williams, or Cooper would’ve gotten his ass kicked. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

Sep 2

Oakland coach Dennis Allen said Monday afternoon that he would refrain from announcing a starter for “competitive” reasons.

- from an ESPN report on the Oakland Raiders QB situation. This report follows the AP Style Guide, mandating the use of quotation marks around the word “competitive” whenever discussing the Raiders.