Radio Free Tobin

Eastern Conference Quarterfinals:
#2 Boston Bruins vs #7 Washington Capitals

The defending champion Bruins began their season by skating the Cup around TD Garden in their home opener, something which I believe has never been done in NHL history. Because when you play in a city like Boston, which doesn’t believe at all in curses or anything, you definitely want to go against 100 years of tradition. Sure enough, they began the season 3-7, but soon turned things around and regained their championship form. I’m not exactly sure how; I’ll wait until the movie version with Jimmy Fallon to find out.

With the exception of Mark Recchi (who retired or returned to guarding the Holy Grail or something), most of last year’s group is intact. The only major personnel move was a contract extension for Brad Marchand. Marchand celebrated with a cookout at his house, which everyone but Tim Thomas attended. 

The Bruins will need to Thomas to come up big again; even bigger than our own overbloated government (eh, Timmy?). If Thomas falters, or gets invited someplace he actually wants to go, the B’s will have to rely on Marty Turco to fill in for injured backup (and notorious Star Wars bounty hunter) Tuukka Rask. Turco is the kind of veteran goaltender who could easily steal a game for the other team.

Meanwhile, in the great tradition of Washingtonian flip-flopping, it’s hard to figure out what kind of team the Caps are. Are they the team that started strong (and were picked by many as Cup favorites)? Or are they the team that struggled through the season, eventually costing coach Bruce “7-second delay” Boudreau his job? 

New coach Dale Hunter drew upon his years of playing experience and began motivating his players by beating them up.

Boudreau, incidentally, was hired almost immediately by the Anaheim Ducks, to replace their own just-fired, overweight, balding, red-faced head coach Randy Carlyle. This is like when your parents try to replace your dead goldfish with a new one that looks just like it. Except the new fish curses more and can’t get Alex Ovechkin to pay attention to it.

If the underachieving version of the Caps shows up, this will be a pretty short series. If the real team shows up, it will be a slightly less short series.

Bruins in 6.

Fashion note: should the Caps stick with their throwback alternate unis, this will be the sharpest-looking matchup of the first round.

Things have gotten so bad for the Eagles that their mascot is now hiding out in the NHL, like the Henry Hill of mascots. “I ordered a cheesesteak with whiz and I got egg noodles and ketchup.”

(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

1 Washington Capitals v 8 New York Rangers

This will be an epic battle between one of the league’s ugliest players, Alex Ovechkin, and one of its best looking, Henrik Lundqvist. The Rangers are a gritty team with something to prove, while the Caps look to continue their strong tradition of losing in the first round. 

The Caps did add Jason Arnott at the deadline, which was a surprise move, considering most of us thought Jason Arnott retired in 2005. Arnott is a veteran leader who will know what to say to a locker room after his team gets eliminated. But the Rangers have the better goalie in Lundqvist, and by “better” I mean “more handsome.” This will be the first time that eliminated players get back in line to shake someone’s hand a second time.

KEY MATCHUP: Bruce Boudreau and John Tortorella v the censors
As anyone who watched “24/7” knows, Caps coach Bruce Boudreau knows more about vulgarity than he does about the left wing lock. He seems to come from the “Who Moved My $*%$# Cheese?” school of motivational techniques. And John Tortorella is the only coach whose press conferences have a seven-second delay. This may be the most profanity-laced matchup in the history of the league.

Rangers in 6.